From Surviving to Thriving. Mental Health for Young Adults — an article by Carl Argent

Many young people in the UK today are surviving rather than thriving. On paper, life can look completely normal. You go to college or sixth form, hand work in on time, message your friends, scroll through TikTok before bed and maybe even joke around constantly with the people around you. Yet underneath that, a lot of young people quietly describe feeling exhausted, anxious, disconnected or emotionally flat.

For some, it feels like life has become something to manage rather than something to experience. You get through the week, distract yourself when things feel overwhelming and then repeat it all again on Monday. There may not be a crisis, but there is often a lingering sense that something is missing.

Psychologists sometimes refer to this state as languishing. You are functioning, but not really flourishing.

You deserve more than that.

A Generation Under Pressure

Recent research suggests this is not simply an individual problem. Across the world, mental health difficulties in young people have risen significantly over recent years, particularly following the COVID-19 pandemic. Large studies now show very high levels of anxiety, depression and sleep difficulties among children, adolescents and young adults. In the UK, there have also been marked increases in self-harm and eating disorders, especially among teenage girls.

At the same time, more young people than ever are coming into contact with mental health services. A recent Welsh study found that the proportion of young people who had ever been in contact with child and adolescent mental health services rose from around 6% in those born in 1991 to over 20% in those born in 2005.

These figures matter because they challenge the idea that struggling is unusual or rare. Increasingly, distress appears to be part of the normal psychological landscape many young people are navigating.

That does not mean young people are weak. It suggests many are trying to develop a stable sense of self in environments that are emotionally demanding, socially exposed and often psychologically exhausting.

The Pressure to Perform

Part of the difficulty is that modern adolescence now happens under constant visibility. Young people are not only trying to work out who they are, but also how they appear to others while doing it.

For many, identity begins to feel performative. There can be pressure to appear attractive, funny, confident, emotionally controlled, successful or socially desirable even when that does not match how you actually feel internally.

A lot of people become skilled at managing perception while quietly struggling underneath it.

Looking okay and being okay are not always the same thing.

This pressure affects young men and young women differently, although there is often overlap. Many boys and young men still grow up absorbing messages that they should be emotionally tough, independent and constantly in control. Even now, vulnerability can carry social risk. Young men often describe fears of looking weak, awkward, needy or incapable.

Research suggests these pressures affect whether young men seek support. Studies consistently identify masculine norms, self-stigma and fears around judgement as major barriers preventing adolescent boys and young men from asking for help. Many young men report worrying about being a burden, not being understood or losing social status if they open up emotionally.

As a result, distress may be hidden behind humour, withdrawal, anger, emotional numbness, excessive gaming, gym obsession or overconfidence.

For young women, the pressures often look different but can be equally intense. Many describe feeling trapped between expectations around appearance, achievement, emotional availability and social success. Social media intensifies this further by creating endless opportunities for comparison around body image, lifestyle and self-worth.

Although the pressures differ, the underlying issue is often similar. Many young people are trying to build a stable identity in environments that reward performance, comparison and external validation.

Social Media and the Comparison Trap

Social media is not entirely harmful. It can provide support, creativity, humour and connection. Many young people have found communities online that help them feel understood and less alone.

But there is another side to it.

Social media can encourage relentless comparison and self-monitoring. Constant exposure to carefully edited versions of other people’s lives can make ordinary human struggles feel like personal failure. You begin comparing your real life to everyone else’s highlights.

Research increasingly suggests that how young people engage with social media matters more than simply how many hours they spend online. Reviews now indicate that approaches based purely on banning phones or creating fear around screens are less effective than helping young people build healthier relationships with technology.

Interestingly, recent studies have shown that even short breaks from intensive screen or social media use can improve emotional wellbeing. A two-week reduction in recreational screen use improved emotional symptoms and social behaviour in children and adolescents, while a one-week social media detox among young adults reduced symptoms of anxiety, depression and insomnia.

This does not mean social media must be removed entirely. It suggests many young people may benefit from becoming more conscious about how and why they use it.

If certain content repeatedly leaves you feeling inadequate, anxious or emotionally drained, that matters psychologically.

Why Connection Matters More Than Ever

One of the strongest findings in psychological research is that wellbeing is deeply relational. Human beings thrive when they feel psychologically safe with others.

Yet many young people today spend large amounts of time connected digitally while still lacking spaces where they feel fully accepted and emotionally understood. It is possible to have group chats, followers and constant notifications while still feeling profoundly alone.

For many young men especially, there can be friendships based heavily around activity, humour or banter without much space for emotional honesty. Qualitative research suggests young men often weigh up trust, embarrassment and emotional burden before deciding whether to speak honestly about mental health difficulties.

This means that a huge amount of suffering remains hidden.

Interestingly, studies also suggest young men are more likely to seek support when help feels discreet, trustworthy and non-judgemental. Anonymous or online support options, school outreach and clear information about what support actually involves all appear to make help-seeking more likely.

This matters because it challenges the idea that young men simply do not want support. Often, they do. They may just not feel emotionally safe enough to reach for it.

What Does Thriving Actually Mean?

Positive psychology offers an important perspective here because it asks a different question from traditional mental health approaches. Rather than focusing only on symptoms and disorders, it also asks what helps people genuinely flourish.

Thriving is not simply the absence of anxiety or depression. It is about developing the psychological foundations that allow a person to experience meaning, connection, growth and authenticity over time.

Research into positive psychology interventions has found that approaches focused on gratitude, hope, compassion, coping skills and meaning can improve wellbeing and reduce stress in young people. School-based positive psychology programmes have even been linked with reductions in depression and physiological stress markers over the course of a school year.

Importantly, flourishing does not mean feeling happy all the time. It means building a life that feels psychologically sustainable and more connected to who you actually are.

This includes:

• relationships where you can be genuine
• activities that absorb and interest you
• goals that reflect your values rather than just external pressure
• the ability to recognise and express emotions rather than constantly suppressing them
• enough self-compassion to treat yourself like a human being rather than a machine

Moving From Surviving to Thriving

Most people do not suddenly transform overnight. Thriving is usually built through small, repeated shifts rather than dramatic life changes.

Sometimes it starts with being more honest about how you are actually doing. Sometimes it involves questioning rigid ideas about what makes someone successful, attractive or strong. Sometimes it means reducing exposure to things that repeatedly damage your self-esteem.

It may involve:

• taking breaks from constant scrolling
• finding spaces where you feel emotionally safer
• speaking to someone you trust
• learning healthier ways to cope with stress
• noticing when you are performing rather than genuinely expressing yourself

Real strength is probably quieter and healthier than many people imagine.

It is not emotional invulnerability or pretending nothing affects you. It is the ability to remain psychologically honest under pressure. It is being able to ask for support before things reach crisis point. It is learning how to stay connected to yourself even when life feels uncertain or overwhelming.

A Final Thought

Many young people today are carrying far more pressure than others realise. Beneath the jokes, scrolling, productivity and social performance, there is often anxiety, comparison, loneliness and fear of not being enough.

But the research also offers hope.

Young people are not doomed to remain stuck in survival mode. Small changes in relationships, emotional openness, help-seeking, self-compassion and digital habits can genuinely improve wellbeing over time. Schools, families, communities and mental health services also have an important role in creating environments where young people feel psychologically safer and more understood.

Thriving is rarely about becoming a completely different person. More often, it is about slowly reconnecting with yourself underneath the pressure, comparison and performance.

And that process usually begins not with perfection, but with honesty.

How I can help

If you feel under pressure to have your future worked out, counselling with me offers a place where uncertainty can be spoken about honestly. We can explore comparison, expectations, identity and the feeling that everyone else is managing better.

My person-centred approach gives your own experience a hearing. We might notice whose standards you are living by, what matters to you and what makes connection or asking for support difficult. You can begin to make sense of your feelings and consider a next step that fits you, without having to solve your whole future at once.

If you recognise the effort of looking okay while feeling quite different inside, you can say that to me. We can begin with what has been taking up your headspace and talk about whether counselling would fit. There is no expectation that you should already understand your feelings or know what to ask for. You can book a free introductory conversation with no obligation to book sessions, or read more about counselling with me.

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